Terry Here: Things That Piss Me Off

This blog lists all the things that piss Terry off as he trudges through his day...

Posted 5 months ago
If you ever walk by a television and the song ‘Danger Zone’ is coming out of it, whatever you do…don’t look at it. It’s Top Gun.
Posted 6 months ago
Every morning I start a pot of coffee and walk away while it brews. Every once in a while I return to find that I forgot to turn the machine on. So, I pour a few shots of Bailey’s Irish Cream into the coffee pot and turn it on with authority.
Posted 6 months ago
The only difference between using my finger to tend to the inside of my nose and using a tissue is the opinion formed by the asshole that’s staring at me.
- asshole
- grooming
Posted 6 months ago
Every scooter I’ve ever been stuck behind has a maximum speed of 10mph less than the legal speed limit, which is just fast enough so IT gets through a yellow light, but just slow enough that I can’t. Who wants to play Urban Calf Roping?
- scooters
- rodeo
Posted 6 months ago
I’ve been to the New Jersey Shore. It isn’t worth much. Someone estimated that Hurricane Sandy caused $20 billion worth of damage there. I want that person to measure my penis and publish the results.
- Hurrican Sandy
- Jersey Shore
- 1
Posted 7 months ago
They said Sandusky is getting a mandatory 30 years but they don’t mean that. He’s going to die in a few years and they’ll take him out. I think there should be a rapist wing in prison where they serve their sentences dead or alive. That way the next convicted rapist gets a dead body as a roommate. That would make for a good roommate sitcom to fill the void that Bosom Buddies left behind.
Posted 7 months ago
When I see a guy at a bar wearing a replica jersey of a famous professional athlete I get a little irritated. But when I see a girl with him I become downright angry. What kind of girl would follow around a grown man playing dress-up? Then, I got to thinking: If there was a girl dressed up as a famous porn star I would definitely follow her around. And that’s how I explain to children that you should always put things into perspective.
Posted 8 months ago
Heavy walkers should pay double to rent apartments above the ground floor. Also, all outside boozing decks should be rigged with a seismograph and a trap-door. Have you noticed that my solutions to my problems double as my entertainment?
Posted 8 months ago
I’ve decided that since I don’t have children I shouldn’t have to abide by school zone speed limits. I’m sick of slowing down for things I don’t care about.
- 5
Posted 8 months ago
Every form of restraint put in place to wrangle assholes is a waste of my time. I have to ease over extra asphalt because some punk kid was racing around a parking lot. They should replace speed bumps with a couple of sensors and a spike strip. Nothing is funnier than watching someone replacing a flat tire they got for being an asshole.
- 1
Posted 9 months ago
Some men are so arrogant they name their sons after themselves. Although, I have to admit, it would have been pretty funny if Jesus was named God Jr.
- TerryHere
- tumblrize
- Holy Bible
- Jr.
- 2
Posted 9 months ago
There are exactly a few reasons I’m having a hard time taking the Olympics seriously:
1. The stories the media thinks I care about are: a Chinese swimmer might be ‘doping’, Badminton players are throwing matches, a male soccer player is a racist and a female soccer player is catfighting with a retired female soccer player.
2. The fastest human on the planet gets the same award as a guy that rides a dancing horse.
3. The opening ceremonies has become the world’s most polished turd.
4. I want to root for the people that don’t have back-stories, but they don’t exist.
5. If the winner of your contest is decided by a judge, it’s not a sport or a competition.
6. It’s the Summer Games. Every event should take place outside.
7. Some asshole decided to hold the Summer Games in a city that doesn’t have a summer. So now, the greatest beach bodies on the planet are covered up while playing beach volleyball on a fake beach.
- 3
Posted 9 months ago
The Olympics should eliminate sports that aren’t using the best athletes. I’m pretty sure handball was created by the kids that weren’t picked to play other sports. It’s a bunch of rag-a-muffins playing on a basketball court trying to throw a softball into a hockey goal. Here’s the new team USA: Me, Jennie Finch, LeBron James, Drew Brees and Derek Jeter with Jonathan Quick on goal. Now, give me the Gold Medal.
- 1
Posted 9 months ago
I barely care who can swim across the pool the fastest and I completely lose interest when they complicate swimming. I just don’t care who’s the fastest at the slowest form of swimming. You will never hear, “A kid was drowning so I butterfly stroked to his rescue.” Or, “A shark was chasing me but I got away using the breaststroke.
- TerryHere
- tumblrize
- Olympics
- swimming
Posted 10 months ago
When I’m traveling via automobile and I get to the point where I want to stop for the night I drive to the town’s supermarket to scan the parking lot. If I see grocery carts scattered all over the place I get back on the highway and drive to the next town because, clearly, the people in this town suck it. What they ought to do is handcuff the person to the cart and make them bring it back inside for the key. Handcuffs solve a lot of problems.